Sometime in December I had an argument with someone I perceived as a friend. We don't stay in touch that often now, but we used to "talk" daily for hours on ends. For many months. Then we complicated things with sex. That wouldn't have been such a major complication had he not been married. He never lied about it, he never promised me anything.
I wanted to call things off many times, I just couldn't. I wasn't seeing anyone and I was suffering from withdrawal symptoms like a miserable junkie. While feeding my addiction he repeatedly advised me to find someone good for me and move on with my life.
Back then his harshest observation was that maybe all the bad things happening to me were not necessarily caused by others. Maybe I needed to look for my share of mistakes before blaming someone else. That rang true and I stopped acting like a powerless victim, taking more responsibility for my actions ever since.
And then I met someone. I was head over heels, and of course I stopped seeing the married guy.
Let's say men tend to cut you more slack if you're sleeping with them. I can't remember the exact details of our first falling out, but I do remember him insulting me and me stating I've always found the power to move on without looking back and without regrets. That set him off the roof. He was smart, fairly good-looking, very wealthy, and how could someone with no social status call him disposable?! He was sulky and kept a low profile for a long time. After telling me a couple of really bad things...
After this we rarely talked and only called each-other up for our birthdays. I think I took the first step, and he played along. Those times we would act like two old friends having a civilized conversation, sharing news and pretending we actually cared.
So in December we started a normal catch-up talk on YM. I was just juggling with my two jobs and all the things I had to do for both, and all of a sudden he dragged me in a talk about politics. Apart from my low interest in the subject, it was also a lousy moment. I guess to him I just came across like someone who doesn't give a damn about what's going on around her.
As I said, men tend to cut you more slack if you're sleeping with them. As I haven't been in 4 years, his discourse quickly degenerated into insults and foul language. I was doing my tasks watching in awe the sudden change in his tone and attitude. Despite being calm and focused, in the end he managed to infuriate me.
Only 10 days later I found the strength to write him an email for his birthday.
He replied saying he appreciated my Christian "turn-the-other-cheek" approach, precisely because he was never good at it. Well, asshole, it was my way of saying good bye to you. For ever.
I don't give a fuck if no one calls me up for my birthday this year. I only have two cheeks.